Not the Beginning, But a Start
by MrsBigTuna
Summary: Everyone was at the party, making it difficult to get her alone. But Ryan Howard was always the determined type. A oneshot set right before “Customer Survey”. RyanxKelly


_**Disclaimer: I do not own The Office. All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

_Summary: Everyone was at the party, making it difficult to get her alone. But Ryan Howard was always the determined type. A oneshot set right before "Customer Survey". RyanxKelly_

_A/N: I was discussing this with a mutual Relly fan and figured... why not? Hope you enjoy!_

* * *

He checked his reflection in the mirror for the fifth time before grabbing his jacket. He couldn't remember the last time he had been that nervous, images crossed his mind of his cavalier attitude to soirées thrown by locals, his ready-made joint in his shirt pocket and the hope of unlimited alcohol always calmed his nerves. But tonight wasn't going to be that affair, having to be subjected to his coworkers, ones that not five months prior were his subordinates. He had to face them as his peers and it made the corner of his eye twitch involuntarily. He hated being reminded of his past failures, but tonight held something unexpected, the promise that he would be near her for more than the mere moments she would casually linger at the reception desk. He would be able to talk to her, at least try to. If only he didn't feel like he could burst out of his own skin from the tension that seeped deep under the surface. He took one last look, and did his best to smile confidently. If nothing else, he could do his best to hold his head high.

* * *

She scrambled around the apartment, putting the finishing touches on the party favors, thinking that the assorted mugs were really original. She stuffed the final sheet of gold star stickers in Andy's mug when she heard the knock on the door. She was slightly disconcerted that Darryl hadn't arrived already, telling him to be early with the food before the guests started to arrive, but it was easy for Kelly to be disappointed by the men in her life. The image of Ryan flashed past her eyes, remembering that he would be showing up and having to make a quick mug for him as well. She hadn't thought of inviting him, figuring he would still be in contact with his New York friends, but when he overheard her discussing it with Angela the previous day, she invited him hastily. It didn't help that for a fraction of second their eyes locked, sending her into a tailspin of emotions she had long convinced herself were buried. With one final ruffle of her skirt, she took a deep breath before opening the door to Oscar and Meredith, each holding their own beer. "Hey guys, come on in!"

* * *

He arrived the same time Creed had pulled into the parking lot. He had tried to make a mad dash to the building but the elderly man had caught up with him with impressive speed, a genial smile on his lips. "Hiya, kiddo."

"Hey, man." Ryan reluctantly walked with him until they reached the elevator. Ryan hadn't been to Kelly's apartment sober in months, trying to block out the few solitary visits he made after he had returned to Scranton, after more than a few drinks were in his system. He had gotten as far as the front door, never quite ready to push the intercom button. He would try several times, wanting to talk to her, hold her hand, look into her waiting brown eyes and find the hope that never faltered in his presence. He shook his head, pushing the elevator button. He noticed Creed looking him over, opting to talk. "Cool idea, eh?"

"Oh yeah. Any excuse to have a party, right?" He patted his shirt pocket, giving Ryan a conspicuous wink. "Brought some of my own party favors for later. Got plenty if you're interested."

Ryan was tempted, knowing that Creed usually had quality hash, but he needed to be sober for most of the night, maybe a few drinks in his system to make him less tense, but getting high wasn't on his checklist. "Yeah, maybe."

"Cool beans." Creed got off the elevator, following the sound of laughter that trickled down the hallway.

It was just before he reached the door when he saw Darryl come out into the hallway, setting up a barstool with a bucket. He couldn't make out the writing on the side but felt his throat constrict when he saw Kelly swiftly snatch up the bucket, berating Darryl. "We are not gonna _charge_ people to come in, Darryl! I told you, _no cover_!"

"Look girl, if we have to have all these folks in here, eating up our food, we can at least break even with a few extra dollars." He snatched the bucket back, planting it on the stool again.

Kelly snatched it back, holding it behind her back. "No!" She backed up, playfully fighting with Darryl as he reached around her back, trying to grab it from her. Creed had waved, entering the apartment, but Ryan was dazed at their interaction. A pang hit him squarely in the chest, desperate to avoid anymore romantic moments, turning away to not be intrusive on their private moment. It wasn't until Kelly halted at Ryan's appearance. "Oh, hey Ryan."

Ryan looked up, hoping he didn't look as disturbed as he felt. "Hey, Kel." He nodded curtly at Darryl, before following Creed into the apartment. His eyes passed over all the corners, memories of endless make-out sessions on the couch, drowning out her nonsensical babel about the latest cycle of _America's Next Top Model _or late-night study sessions, curled up on the floor, watching old reruns of _The Simpsons_. He opened up the hall closet, hanging up his own jacket before hearing Andy breaking out a solo over the competitor on the show. Without much argument, he found the redhead in the crowd, positive to find liquor in arm's length from her.

Meredith chuckled as she watched Ryan down an entire glass of homemade margaritas. "Slow down, champ. It's only the first round. There's plenty of time to get good and plastered." She grabbed her glass, walking back into the crowd. "Amateurs."

Ryan turned, watching the crowd of people as they filtered in and out of the small apartment. He hadn't realized that she could fit so many people into the place, seeing every crevice was filled. He felt someone beside him, turning to see Kevin, who smiled, offering his plump fist. "What's up, man?"

Ryan pumped it. "Nothing much. What's up with you?" He tried to listen to the robust man drone on about whatever was troubling him, but he found himself making constant glances to the door, hoping to get another glimpse of her. He patted Kevin on the shoulder when he had had enough of pretending, excusing himself to go to the bathroom. He fumbled between the guests, greeting people left, right, and center. It was just before he reached the bathroom when he bumped into Kelly coming out of her bedroom. "Hey."

Kelly seemed momentarily speechless, which wasn't easy to do, offering a smile. "Hey." They stood in the small hall, awkwardness drenching the walls around them. "Enjoying the party?"

"Oh yeah. The party's great!" He realized he was speaking far too loud than he needed too, seeing Kelly blink her eyes in confusion. For a fleeting moment, he wanted to take he by the hand and pull her into her bedroom, hoping to make her completely speechless, but the moment passed them both. "I have to go to the bathroom." He inwardly kicked himself, trudging ahead before he said something else.

* * *

Kelly shook her head, watching Ryan go into the bathroom, closing the door. She tried to shake the goosebumps that had risen in his presence, the small hairs on her neck that stood on end and the quicken pace of her pulse on her neck. She needed to be separated from him for a little while. She was with Darryl. She chose Darryl. He was good to her, for the most part. She knew he cared about her, the few moments he had put his guard down around the office when he would bring her lunch or laugh with her in the warehouse made her feel that something was there. She wasn't sure how long she could keep it up with him, but she knew he was a great distraction between the few and fleeting moments she would find herself in with Ryan. She had debated in talking to him. They hadn't really spoken since he had returned, only the tense moments when she felt cornered into conversation, but he looked at her with such intensity in the hall. She had difficulty resisting the urge to turn back to the hall and wait for him to emerge, but she was a hostess and she needed to tend to her guests. She rolled her eyes, feeling horrible for not hardly watching any of the contestants or not hearing of Sharon Osbourne's critiques. She had always admired her commentary. She was like Paula on _American Idol_, but she seemed more sober.

"Hey Kelly. Did you see the last contestant?" She looked up to see Oscar, nursing a beer. "Figured you might like him." He motioned to the television screen, which stood a girl in a pink dress, singing a pop ballad. "Isn't that..?"

"Christina Aguilera." She smirked as she found a seat near Andy on the couch, humming along to the song with him. They both chuckled, leaning back. "You like this song?"

"_Love_ this song. 'Xtina' is totally awesome." He clinked his beer bottle with the one Kelly just picked up, sipping with a small smile.

"I know, right?! She totally trumps over Britney any day." She scooted back some more, trying to forget about the man that stood no more than ten feet behind her, knowingly feeling the hole that he was burning through her back. With a subtle flip of her hair, she did her best to enjoy her party.

* * *

In need of a cold refreshment, Ryan grabbed a beer from the counter, looking around for the bottle opener. He went into the kitchen, finding it almost instantly after searching the first drawer, a sense of familiarity washed over him. He felt another pair of eyes watching him, clearing his throat. "Hey man." He still felt inferior near the bulky man that stood close.

Darryl grunted. "What's up with you?"

"Nothing much. Just needed to open up my bottle." He didn't want to finish the conversation, hoping he could strike it up with someone else quickly. But he saw Darryl round the island in the kitchen. "What's up with you?"

"Isn't it weird to be in your ex-girl's house? I mean, I would be trippin' if I was around some girl I used to see. Too many memories." Ryan knew by the tone of his voice he wasn't trying to bond with him, but more or less try to see if he had any ulterior motives, and they both knew he did. Ryan cringed slightly, hoping Darryl hadn't noticed. They both made brief eye contact again, when Darryl blocked Ryan's way, speaking very low. "Be careful." Without another word, he left Ryan alone in the kitchen, unsure of what had transpired.

* * *

Kelly watched Ryan talking to Darryl, hoping he hadn't scared him too badly. She felt better knowing that Darryl cared enough about her to want to protect her from Ryan, but there was still something that seemed to flutter in her chest at the thought that Ryan wanted to be close. She felt her hand tremble on its own accord, needing some fresh air. She knew she had at least fifteen minutes before they announced the winner of the contest and she really didn't want to see the recap of the past season, hating this one particular family of jugglers that had sweat stains all over their leotards. She grabbed her jacket, telling Phyllis that she would be right back. She ran down the stairs, accelerated by the excitement of the evening, when she heard someone else enter the stairwell. She moved faster down the stairs, bursting out into the brisk November air. She turned, just as Ryan entered the parking lot. She took a seat on a small bench by a few parked cars, watching as he made his way toward her.

He paused just in front of her, looking glum as he stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Why did you leave?"

Kelly shrugged, avoiding his eyes. "Ryan..."

"Look, I, I wanted to talk to you up there... about us... about what I want to happen between us, and..." He paced slightly in place, trying to gather his thoughts. "I just... I miss you, Kel."

Kelly looked up at Ryan, unsure of what was happening. "You broke up with me. That's not my problem that you decide to miss me now." She crossed her arms, a defense mechanism she knew he remembered.

He sat next to her, putting some distance between them. "I... I messed up. I got myself canned at probably the best job I'll ever get and I betrayed everyone that ever liked me to get over on other people. My life is a complete mess. I live in parent's house, for Christ's sake! Do you know how lame it is to wake up in the same room that I had in high school, _and_ elementary school?" He ruffled his hair, frustration plaguing him again. "And all of it, none of it makes me feel as bad as what I did to you."

Kelly looked at him than and their eyes looked briefly, sending a new round of goosebumps up her arms. She didn't know what to say, thinking that she needed it to ferment in the air for a little while. She knew that it was as best as she could get as far as an apology. Ryan Howard never apologized, if not half-assed ones that only stemmed from him gaining something in the end. She knew him better than himself, and out of the two years they had known each other, it was the closet to sincerity as she had gotten in a long while. She wanted to reach out and take his hand than, feel his cool hand wrapped around her smaller one. She missed him everyday, and even in their "small office", she felt more distant from them since before they had started dating, which seemed like a lifetime ago. "I appreciate you saying that."

"I mean it. Every word. You didn't deserve any of it." He looked shamefaced as he scooted closer to her. "For what its worth, I'm glad you invited me tonight." He silently moved closer, taking her hand in the night, pulling it into his lap.

Kelly looked over at him, knowing that they were far from being together again, even considering ignoring him for another week or so, but seeing his blue eyes shimmer in the darken sky, she knew that it wasn't the definitive moment for anything, but it was certainly a start in the right direction. "Me too."

* * *

**FIN.**

_This is an early birthday present to my sister friend, Brandi. Love you, sweetie!_


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